Posts tagged butter

Tyra Banks Explains How to Make Vegetarian Fried Chicken

Too funny not to love, too tragic not to share. On today’s Tyra show, following segments on “ex-ing” (continuing to see ex-boyfriends) and “my mom’s a dominatrix,” Tyra Banks unveiled her recipe for “Vegetarian Fried Chicken.” Standing before a bare table set with only a pan (which was never used), salt and pepper, Tyra asked the audience if they knew what simple item dating back to Egyptians time was a common vegetarian food still eaten today. “Soup?” suggested one member from the audience. “Nope, it’s not soup!” Tyra said, “It’s bread!” She then instructed the audience to remove a bread roll from each of their audience appreciation packets before giving a step by step, thorough explanation of how to make her “super easy” version of friend chicken. Even if armed with only a ninth grade reading level at their disposable, the audience seemed a little shocked by Tyra’s naivete. Below is the recipe in its entirety, along with commentary on how this sh*t went down):


This seemingly innocent-looking bread roll makes a mean chicken wing.

Tyra Banks’ Fake Fried Chicken

Ingredients:
Butter
Bread (unspecified but anything from a slice of white bread or roll is encouraged)
Salt
Pepper

Directions:
1) Produce the roll from your audience appreciation packet or grocery store or basket o’ bread at x fancy restaurant your man is taking you out to to make up for sleeping with that stripper (which we know he only did ‘cuz he was drunk)
2) Using a butter knife (that’s the not-so sharp one) smear the butter on one side of the bread (here Tyra indicates that it’s proper etiquette to tear off pieces of bread and smear them individually. Although we believe she gleaned this tip from having the author of Etiquette Emily Post appear on her show, we’re pretty sure she had one of her nerdier assistants read it for her.)
3) Next, sprinkle the bread in salt.
4) Sprinkle the bread in pepper (here Tyra explains that restaurant pepper shakers are often difficult to shake and you might have to try a few times).
5) Viola! Share the “fake chicken” with members of your studio audience while they make confused and frightened faces to the effect of “Wait, YOU get paid 23 million a year for coming up with this sh*t?”

Thank you Warner Brothers.

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Sauces! Pt.1 Hollandaise

Sometimes all you need is a little sauce to turn a vegetable (or two or seven) into a meal! Even better, many sauces can be jarred and saved for future use! In this section I’ll explore how to transform your bare naked vegetables into easy culinary delights.

Hollandaise sauce is a creamy, yellowy, buttery sauce French in origin that is a little sweet and a little sour to the taste. It is traditionally used on eggs benedict but also tastes great on a variety of vegetables.

What goes with hollandaise sauce? What vegetables can I put hollandaise sauce on?
The following vegetables taste wonderful with hollandaise sauce. Unless otherwise specified, we recommend steaming these vegetables if you plan to use them with hollandaise:
-Broccoli
-Asparagus
-Artichoke hearts
-Baked or Fried Potatoes
-Cauliflower
-Brussel Sprouts
-Spinach

How do I make it?
You can make hollandaise sauce from scratch or buy it in a flavoring packet that is sold in most grocery stores in the section for packaged sauces. Below are two recipes for hollandaise including a vegetarian lacto-ovo version and a vegan version.

Lacto-ovo Original Vegetarian Hollandaise Sauce Recipe
Ingredients

* 4 egg yolks
* 1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
* 1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted (1 stick)
* Pinch cayenne
* Pinch salt

Directions

Vigorously whisk the egg yolks and lemon juice together in a stainless steel bowl and until the mixture is thickened and doubled in volume. Place the bowl over a saucepan containing barely simmering water (or use a double boiler,) the water should not touch the bottom of the bowl. Continue to whisk rapidly. Be careful not to let the eggs get too hot or they will scramble. Slowly drizzle in the melted butter and continue to whisk until the sauce is thickened and doubled in volume. Remove from heat, whisk in cayenne and salt. Cover and place in a warm spot until ready to use for the eggs benedict. If the sauce gets too thick, whisk in a few drops of warm water before serving.

Recipe from Foodnetwork

Vegan Hollandaise Sauce Recipe
1/2 c. plus 1/4 c. unflavored soymilk or other nondairy milk (3/4 c. total)
2 T. Earth Balance or Soy Garden Natural Buttery Spread, melted and kept warm (or butter flavored non-dairy margarine)
1 and 3/4 T. cornstarch or wheat starch
*Note: Do not substitute arrowroot, tapioca starch, or kuzu— I tried these and the results were not satisfactory.
1 T. fresh lemon juice
1/2 tsp. salt
pinch of white pepper or a dash of hot pepper sauce
tiny pinch of tumeric (less than a 1/16th of a tsp—more makes a phony-looking color)

Directions:
Heat the 1/2 c. soymilk until not quite simmering—pour into the blender container along with the salt, pepper or hot sauce, and cover to keep hot while you melt the Earth Balance and go on to the next step.
In a small (2 c.) saucepan or microwave-proof bowl, mix together the first 1/4 c. of soymilk and the cornstarch and tumeric, and whisk together well.
If making in a pot on the stovetop, stir constantly over high heat until thick and translucent, shiny yellow, not a dull yellow — OR:
Microwave option: Use the microwave-proof bowl for the mixture, and microwave on HI 20 seconds. Whisk. Repeat two times, or until thick and translucent, shiny yellow, not a dull yellow.
Scrape the yellow cornstarch mixture into the blender container containing the hot milk mixture, and add the lemon juice. Blend well, adding the melted Earth Balance slowly through the hole in the lid while the machine is running. Blend until the mixture is pale yellow and frothy and emulsified (you can’t see any oil globules).
Serve immediately, or, if it has cooled down too much, heat briefly in the microwave at a low setting, or in a small pot on the stove over low heat, or keep hot on an alcohol burner briefly before using. The cooled mixture may be reheated gently, as well.
Recipe from Bryanna’s Vegan Feast

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